He looks happy… but is he REALLY? Probably. Photo: John Barton
Surfing is a strange thing. One would think that the simple act of sliding around on a rolling liquid hill wouldn’t have such a profound effect on the way you live your life–and for some, to be sure, it doesn’t–but it does.
For many, it’s a passing affair; a quick and sordid fling in the bushes for a few short moments before the rest of life becomes more important. Surfing becomes just one of those things that you did back in college with loose women and illicit substances. But for others… well, surfing becomes a marriage of sorts. It plants a seed in a corner of your brain, and slowly grows there, rooting itself firmly at first, then stretching out those wispy tendrils that invade your day-to-day routine. And then, before you know it, it’s taking up space in everything you do, making you wish you weren’t doing whatever it is, because surfing is just so much better. It’s kind of like hard drugs, in a way–sure, a little probably isn’t too great, but if you keep it under wraps and it doesn’t affect your life, then alright. Not good, but could be worse. But if you let it take over, all of a sudden you’re in an alley choking on something you’d rather not be choking on, trading your morality for crack cocaine.
1. Almost everything else in your life takes a backseat.
I’d wager dollars to donuts that a good percentage of the people reading this have called in sick to work, skipped school, or lied to get out of something for waves. And of course, just like the crack cocaine, every now and then, that’s ok (except that crack cocaine is never ok). Surfing is sanity, desk jobs are not. But if you’re doing it for two foot onshore slop three times a week, your boss is probably going to throw you out on your ass, you’re probably going to flunk out, or you’re probably going to get caught in the lie.
2. Money is for spending.
Yeah, you work hard for your money, and you should be able to spend it however you want. But if however you want is on a trip to the Mentawais and a whole new quiver while your family chews old shoes for the nutrients in the leather… well, maybe it’s time to do some re-prioritizing.
3. Doctor says you need a backiotomy.
Surfing is generally really good for you. As much as we’re trained to be scared of the sun, it’s really, really important to our overall well-being. Of course, like anything else, moderation is the key–if you’ve got blisters under the skin of your back and your nose is peeling so badly you look like a rotting cadaver, it might be time to throw on a shirt and hat.
It’s the same premise with the rest of your body. Great for your back and arms and shoulders and core… until you’ve spent so much time shaped like a paddling banana that your lower back feels like it got hit by a car when you wake up. Stretch a lot. Take a few days off. Let your body heal… because in ten years, you probably won’t be able to. And you know what that means? No more surfing.
4. You’re not selfish, are you?
When you think about it, surfing is one of the most selfish pursuits there is. Unless you’re into tandem surfing (which you are not), surfing is an act solely made for you, and you alone. No one else shares it with you, not even the ranks of other surfers in the lineup, because they are all just as selfish as you are. You ditch work, skip school, and lie to your family and friends, all for for the sake of a few good waves? You could spend your time being a more productive member of society, or volunteering with sad-eyed, parentless children, or spooning soup through the grimy beard of a homeless man! Instead, you choose to float around in a warm sea, looking at the horizon and basking in the wondrousness of Mother Nature. You dick!
5. I personally hate crowds.
If you really loved surfing, and you really weren’t selfish, you’d just quit. You’d realize that not surfing anymore is for the greater good, because no one likes crowds, and the more people that quit surfing, the less people there are surfing. Think about it! The lineups would be empty, save for a few selfish assholes that didn’t quit! They would be having the time of their lives, and you could bask in that, instead of the wondrousness of Mother Nature. Wouldn’t that be great? It would be for me, because I’m selfish.
