The penguins aren’t stoked about the “World’s Largest Wave Park.” Photo: Unsplash//Urbn Surf Altered
Sources only eight degrees removed from me recently divulged that a group of anonymous developers is looking to create the largest wave pool in the world….in the world’s most remote location: Antarctica. The developers – a group said to be comprised of mostly old white males with ungodly amounts of money and hailing from six different countries – will invest up to $6,000 billion dollars using all the current wave techs available including Wave Garden Lagoon and Cove, Kelly’s Surf Ranch, American Wave Co., and Surf Lakes. The facility will even feature an on-deck circle of sorts with a City Wave sidepool – a standing feature for staying warmed up.
It looks to be the largest, grandest, most obnoxious wave pool yet with six different pools featuring the above tech. “We didn’t want to just build a wave pool in some desert without any water,” the source told me. “We wanted to build the biggest, most giant wave pool facility we could possibly imagine, cement 1,000 acres of the Antarctic tundra, and create a destination locale where people from all over the world will be fighting to come, COVID be damned. And it’ll all be powered using melting glacier water.”
Yes, given the state of the world’s melting ice, the water from the penguin paradise soon to be paved with the largest parking lot south of South Africa, will come from melting glacier water, which will then be thermally heated. Deep-pocketed wetsuit brands are said to be in fierce negotiations for naming rights as the presenting rubber company (of which 8-7 millimeter will be the minimum in this the most exotic of locales).
More as the story develops.
Editor’s Note: Happy April 1! Johnny Utah is an “Eff-Bee-Eye” agent and an expert in works of satire. More of his “investigative” work can be found here.
