My cell phone doesn’t float. It barely works, in fact. It takes shitty pictures and I can’t hear out of it. Sometimes I wished it floated and worked and took good pictures and I could hear out of it. But one thing I’ve never wished my phone had was fins. Maybe you have, which is ok. Weird, but ok. Especially now that there’s a phone with fins!
A company called Cometcore just made a cell phone that’s waterproof and floats. And in some weird alcohol-induced stroke of pseudo-genius that probably seemed awesome at the time, they decided to add fins that pop out when the phone hits water. Don’t get me wrong, a waterproof phone is a great idea. You can drop it in the toilet, or sing to someone in the shower (because you sound SO GOOD in there), or just pee all over it whenever you wanted. Haven’t you always wanted to just unleash a torrent of piss on your phone? I sure have!
Technically, though, Comet is a pretty good phone. Much better than mine, I’m sure. It’s an Android with two cameras for confusing selfies, it has a screen that comes in 1440×2560 resolution, and best of all, it comes unlocked, so you can actually use it, which is very helpful when it comes to a phone.
According to the video, the Comet is a thruster. Maybe you want your phone to go faster in the barrel, so you wish it was a quad. Or are you a twin fin kind of person? Gerry Lopez probably wishes his phone was a single fin. Or a snowboard, I guess.
A few days ago, I met a guy in the water who had his phone in a waterproof case and tucked between his shoulder blades. He pulled it out and checked it, then tucked it back away. “Holy shit,” I thought. “That sucks.” Turns out, though, he was a pilot who happened to be on call. When he told me that, I change my opinion. “Holy shit,” I thought. “That’s awesome!”
But if you’re anything other than someone who is surfing and getting paid without being a professional, taking your phone surfing is the dumbest thing ever. Please, don’t do it. And if you do, keep that shit on vibrate, or I’ll piss all over it.
