And there’s also this…
What to wear when a fullsuit isn’t called for? You know those days: The water is nippy but the air is toasty. Or the water is balmy but the air is brisk. Surfers can choose from a dizzying array of neoprene configurations to confront these conditions. But when might you opt for a short arm fullsuit versus a farmer john? A spring suit versus a jacket? This opaque subject calls for demystification. As such, we’ve assembled a partial, and minimally useful — but nonetheless insightful — guide. Here are your options, in no particular order:
This guy’s wetsuit neck-tan blending efforts seem to have paid off. Photo: Cetus Biarritz
Farmer John
Description: Farmer John wetsuits are designed for surfers looking to blend their wetsuit-neck tans. Months of wearing full-suits and weathering UV rays may lead to unattractive tan lines splitting the neck horizontally about the Adam’s apple. Blending this line has grown especially important with the rise in popularity of boat-neck t-shirts, as they draw attention to the neck.
Best when: Boat-neck-shirt weather mandates tan-line blending.
Wetsuit Jackets
Description: Unlike suits that cover your tuchis, jackets and vests won’t funnel a fart up through the neck gasket, where it can escape directly under your nose and mouth. Jackets have a second, possibly more important, benefit: The undeniable sex appeal they ooze, when left unzipped, on surfers punting airs and hucking fins. Unzipped jackets (unbuttoned aloha shirts may be used for the same purposes) pair well with front grip pads.
Best when: Looking to ventilate flatulence, or to showcase a honed abdomen and steezy air game.
No matter what, a spring suit looks a little awkward…
Short-Sleeve Spring Suit
Description: It’s commonly but erroneously believed that short-leg wetsuits are designed for warm-water-chilly-air conditions. In truth, the main benefit of short-leg wetsuits is the easy urine-flushing capability. Springsuits allow excreta to exit freely along the thigh rather than running down the leg and collecting at the ankles or inside booties.
Best when: Nerding out on hot days when the water temperature hovers in the mid to high 60s.
Ready….Wrestle!
Sleeveless Spring Suit
Description: If you enjoy wearing singlets, join a wrestling squad.
Best when: Moving to Bulgaria to begin a bodybuilding career.
Get that arm tan for serious!
Short-arm Fullsuit
Description: Seems like a recipe for an awkward tan line.
Best when: Overheated forearms would severely hamper performance.
This guy, making the ill-advised wetsuit-pants look seem…almost advisable. Photo: Cetus Biarritz
Neoprene Pants
Description: Underutilized and oft-misunderstood, neoprene pants are for those who feel most at ease embodying the expression “moose knuckle.”
Best when: Moose-knuckling is a priority.
The author, taking advantage of the underused hooded short-arm rash guard in Asbury Park, NJ.
Photo credit: @Ianherenow
Hooded Short-Arm Rashguard
Description: Too few surfers take advantage of this critical item. Contrary to popular belief, these need not be worn under hoodless fullsuits. Insted, try pairing them with boardshorts for an effortlessly kooky look when water temps dip.
Best when: You mistakenly grab a hooded rashie then realize how killer it looks. Also, for majorly kooking out.
