Surfing is fun. Like super fun. Photo: Nick Lavecchia
Surfing is really, really fun. It’s so fun, in fact, that a LOT of people do it. Which is fine, really. Spread the love and all that… just as long as they’re not spreading it where I’m surfing. But there are a few good reasons not to surf. Disgusting, surprising, oh-so-serious reasons that extend beyond the entirely selfish, most-used reason that there are too many people surfing already. Here are a five good reasons you shouldn’t surf.
Yeah, you’re going to want to have that looked at.
1. It can kill your skin. Skin cancer is no joke.
Skin cancer is the pits, for real. Out of all the cancers, it kills more people than any other kind. According to Cancer.org, melanoma will account for more than 76,000 cases of skin cancer this year, and melanoma is not something you want. While you’re out there floating around on your styrofoam earth-killer, you’re soaking your increasingly wrinklier skin with a lot more than water – the sun’s pumping out ultraviolet radiation, which is a major contributor to the Big C. And let’s be honest – you’re probably not reapplying sunscreen as much as you should be. Water erodes solid rock. Do you really think the thin layer of SPF 15 you’re rubbing on yourself is going to last five hours?
Sure, you’re getting there really fast, but think about all the shit you’re pumping into the air!
2. Your carbon footprint ain’t helping things. You dirty polluter!
In terms of recreation, there aren’t a whole lot of other sports that are as bad for the earth as surfing. Between the horrible toxins that go into making most boards and traveling to exotic destinations for our selfish pastime, for a bunch of apparently earth-conscious ocean lovers, we sure don’t treat the earth all that well. The vast majority of surfboards are made from polyurethane or polystyrene, which aren’t all that great for anyone or anything. Then they’re covered in a fiberglass and one of three different kinds of brain-killing resins: orthothalic, isophthalic, or epoxy, none of which will do you any favors.
I just coughed up a garbage bag. Photo: Jerome Chobeaux
3. Ingesting the world’s garbage by swallowing dirty water makes you sick.
You know how much shit is floating around in the ocean? Granted, it’s floating around in there because we dumped it, but it’s still not the greatest thing in the world for you. Surfing in front of a river mouth in a developing nation? You’re probably getting human shit in your ears. Surfing in LA after a heavy rainstorm? You’re probably getting used motor oil in your mouth. And believe it or not, those two aren’t that bad compared to a lot of the other stuff we trick ourselves into thinking the fish don’t care about.
How long can you hold your breath? Photo: Mark Tipple.
4. You might drown.
Yup, we can’t breathe under water. And unless evolution speeds up a little in the coming years, we won’t have gills at any point in the near future. And it doesn’t matter how well you can swim, either. Sure, it helps, but if you get yourself in a position where drowning is a real concern, chances are your swimming skills didn’t do enough to get you out of the situation earlier, so you’re already in over your head. According to the World Health Organization, there are an estimated 359,000 annual drowning deaths worldwide, accounting for 7% of all injury-related deaths.
Not a friendly face. Art:DamianFulton.com.
5. Or you might get beaten up.
Those guys are dicks! Yelling at the new faces in the lineup, cutting leashes, waxing windows, chasing you up the beach… and the thing is, they’re not going anywhere. Angry locals are just a part of the culture, like Spicoli or a shitty webcast. Complain all you want, but they’re not going away.
With all that said, there are about 10 million reasons surfing is the raddest use of your free time. God knows I love it, but, hey, never hurts to play devil’s advocate. Feel free to add your own reason below.
