Beware of sunsets and fake waves. Photo: Unsplash
I stayed silent when the evil doers took down Kook of the Day. But, dude, hold my Modelo. Whatever you want to call them, surf content creators are killing surfing.
These self-proclaimed “influencers’” slip into our feeds to address everything from the essential: “Why You Need a Surfboard Bag?” to the metaphysical, “What’s it Like to Date a Surfer!” to the utilitarian, “How Do You Remove a Longboard Fin?!”
I’m not mentioning any handles. The goal is not to make fun of anyone. The point is to suggest that all of us try to value the risk and thrill of learned experience as opposed to the click and follow of screen time. I’m not targeting pro surfers, many of whom use their wisdom and experience to inspire us. Medina, Slater, Jamie O’Brien and John John come to mind.
Instead, I’m talking about the cyber-criminals blowing up our feeds to debate “What’s Your Favorite Wax Scent?” or posting videos of themselves slumping through the whitewater with deceitful captions like “When You Almost Blow Your Side Snap and Barely Recover!”
Maybe the surfing world needs to debate issues like “Is Peeing in your Wetsuit Really OK?” But there’s a slice of cheesy greed stuffed into every crusty request to, “click and comment below” and “like and follow!” These B-list influencers are locked in a sad contest of wills: who can create utterly vapid content more quickly, and who can suck the soul from surfing first?
While many of these accounts note they are about “levity” for the “average Joe surfer;” their reels are kept spinning by finances, not fun. The reward for these middling “creators” is the accumulation of followers and free gear. Case in point: the aforementioned “Peeing” post also attempts to sell some sort of scented spray to “freshen up” those wetsuits.
No, really.
Indeed, most of the accounts that continually hack my own “dude likes surfboards and guitars” algorithm are fueled by fledgling brands trying to ride a lack of talent and feigned popularity to the top of Meta Mountain. Starting a small business is grueling and competitive, and maybe that start-up fin company doesn’t care if their new spokesperson can bottom turn, as long as they accumulate clicks and sales.
Plus, it’s “cool” to associate yourself with surfing, even if you’re living a lie. I suspect that these preening creators dig the serotonin dose injected with every new follow. I don’t blame them for that. On some level, most of us rely on social media as a rapid respite from the outside world, an ego-boost, or both.
At this point, it’s pretty much a fucked-up part of our DNA. Many of these influencers, though, also peddle false information, from blatantly inaccurate “rules” about surf etiquette to illogical “lessons” on fundamentals. Beginner surfers are sucked in by cunning camera work and soundbites, and the cycle of disinformation – and possible physical danger – continues.
However, the ethos of surfing is still about breaking rules – something that I was reminded of the other day when re-watching Peralta’s Dogtown and Z-Boys – and these kooky accounts do encounter some kick-back. Wedged in between supportive comments by lonely people who have never surfed (Yew! #yew), and trails of emojis from the creator’s sponsors, blooms the spiky coral of vitriol.
These hostile messages from self-proclaimed core surfers are along the lines of: YOU are exactly what is wrong with surfing. Go learn to surf, Ass Clown! Many in the comments also blame surf creators for the hapless crowds paddling out Wavestorms at “their” advanced breaks.
Our world doesn’t need more (ahem) snark or negativity. But these crusty locals may have a point. There’s something shameful about the way that something as sacred as riding waves is being so cruelly commodified. This exploitation is nothing new, but what would wetsuit pioneer and hardcore surfer Jack O’Neil say to people who sell a lifestyle they do not fully understand?
Maybe this is the society we’d become even before the Kardashians came down from space and branded the planet with their insipid bullshit. Maybe those of us with the biggest megaphones will continue to create and peddle false narratives and plastic personalities to increase self-worth and cash flow, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
Or perhaps we can break out of this turbid cycle of onshore slop. The next time you see a “surf influencer” propping up their iPhone cam at the point break at dawn, why not ask them if, instead of snapping selfies, they want to paddle out with you?
Or, just let the air out of their e-bike tires.
That works, too.
