Surfers are funny. We have little sayings that make no sense to the non-surfer. Little hints, little turns of phrase, odd little pieces of language that are haphazardly stitched together to form some kind of sentence that’s only coherent to someone in the know. Often times, they’ll be understated, like Hawaiian wave-sizes.
“Some fun little ones out there,” someone will say after getting absolutely throttled by a “three-footer” that, in reality, is well overhead. We talk about how good it was yesterday. We talk about how good it’ll be when the tide switches or the wind turns around. We excuse our constant purchasing of unnecessary surfboards by telling ourselves we need them.
We fall victim to endless marketing schemes that promise a one-board quiver. We buy new fins with the slightest bit of difference to our old ones, then trick ourselves into thinking they’re actually doing something. We buy watches that track our sessions. We gather in parking lots to lie to each other about our waves — the size, the barrels, and anything else. We’re assholes sometimes, despite the fact that all we all want is to play around in the ocean for no other reason than to enjoy ourselves. Isn’t it all so fun?
Luke Cederman, purveyor of humor by way of The Raglan Surf Report, decided to poke fun at all of us with an installment of “Stuff Surfers Actually Say…” and it’s pretty bang on. A few examples:
“I think it needs to be mid-tide… then it’ll be super fun.”
“Does anyone even work around here?”
“No, I don’t WANT all these surfboards. I NEED all these surfboards.”
“If the wind changes another seven degrees, it’s going to be super fun down there when the tide drops out.”
“I think the tide needs to be higher.”
“I think the tide needs to be a little bit lower.”
“I’ve never even watched the WSL Final Five.’
Tell me you haven’t said at least three of those. You have, haven’t you?
