“‘You get any waves out there?’ I timidly asked. Of course you did, you sexy bastard. I was watching your every move.”
What is it about celebrities that make people turn a little crazy? Personally, I’ve always admired certain celebrities due to their sporting prowess or their musical skills, as these are certain areas of personal interest. Growing up on the Gold Coast, the surfing mecca of Australia, I’ve seen a fair share of world champion surfers in and out of the water, but their social status has never really had an effect on me… until a little while ago.
It started off with accounting, funnily enough. Fucking accounting! I’d decided to ditch studying the mind-numbing profession for an hour or two and to head down to Currumbin Alley to go for a wave. The swell had increased overnight and was about three-foot with the odd bigger set coming through. After paddling around for an hour or so and only managing a grand total of two waves, I decided to head in, feeling guilty about not sticking it out with the books and slightly more agitated than when I first went out, mainly due to the lack of waves I managed to catch.
After towelling off and throwing my board in the car, I started to back out of the car park when I noticed a guy in my rearview mirror standing there with his board about to head out. “Man, that dude is trying way too hard to look like Kelly Slater,” I thought, observing the quad fin board under arm and the bald head. Then it clicked. It actually WAS Kelly Slater. I kind of froze, not knowing what the feeling was that had come over me.
I finally managed to find first gear and pull back into the car park, fumbling to get the keys out of the ignition and lock the car so I could follow him down and watch him surf. I felt like a damn stalker running up the beach after him, but I couldn’t help myself. I was about to watch Kelly surf! Like a crack addict searching for their next fix, I monkey climbed up the rocks to obtain the best vantage point, positioning myself on its precipitous edge, smartphone in hand with camera on standby. Twenty minutes of battling green ants and midges had passed before he’d caught a wave. When he did catch one, he ended up jumping straight off his board on the take-off because it was a closeout. “I knew it was shit out there,” I thought, feeling slightly vindicated in my decision to get out of the water. “Kelly Slater can’t even find a wave.” Then he swung around to catch a wave that looked average, to say the least. He proceeded to pull in and get barreled for about 50 meters, finishing up with a throwaway layback hack. It was poetry in motion, and as quick as he appeared, he was heading in, back to the car and about to vanish from my world forever.
I turned and ran back down the rock, making a b-line for the car park. He was sitting in the back of his station wagon putting away his board when I approached him. “Hey,” I said. Who says hey, I thought? You’ve blown it already! I thought about running, but I was in too deep. “You get any waves out there?” I timidly asked. Of course you did, you sexy bastard. I was watching your every move. “I think I stood up twice,” he said with his head in his trunk. “I thought it would be better than what it was.” A montage of images from all the surf movies I had at home with him ripping flashed through my mind. This is it, I thought. It’s now or never! “Hey, do you reckon I could get a photo with you, if that’s cool?” A deep sigh escaped from him. It made me feel like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck about to be crushed. “What is it with people and photos?” he replied with a half smile on his face. I wanted to come back with some sort of witty reply, but I couldn’t speak, let alone think of something clever. He stood up and posed next to me while I took the shot, then I thanked him and told him that I was sorry to bother him. I headed back to my car, trying my hardest not to skip like a school girl.
I still don’t know why I acted the way I did around him. I’m a grown man. But given the opportunity, I can’t say I wouldn’t act the same way again. All that I can say is that Kelly Slater is a God and radiated some kind of mystical energy that I’m still buzzing from. I’m glad that I met the man and feel inspired by his greatness. Long live Kelly!
