Photo: Luke Cederman//Raglan Surf Report//YouTube
Luke Cederman of The Raglan Surf Report is typically known for his spot-on sendups of surfing culture. For his most recent sketch, though, he went a little darker. The latest video posted to his YouTube, simply titled “Becoming a Pro Surfer,” satirically outlines a pretty outside-the-box path to the top of competitive surfing: murder.
“Competitive surfers will literally kill to be the best, metaphorically, obviously,” Cederman cheerfully explains to the camera, while wearing a blood-stained tee shirt and a rolled-up balaclava. “That’s why, at Surf Better, we’ve implemented competitor elimination tactics that have been used by other athletes, such as ice skater Tonya Harding, as well as other elimination techniques used by professional football players like Aaron Hernandez and O.J. Simpson.”
From there, the sketch devolves into an increasingly dark tale involving Cederman attempting to dispose of the body of a surfer who stood in the way of one of his pupils. In this case, that client is none other than Billy Stairmand, the two-time Olympian who represented New Zealand at both Tokyo and Paris, and finished the 2024 Qualifying Series season in 11th (though Cederman plans to improve that ranking a bit).
“Yeah, I don’t really question any of Luke’s methods, something about plausible deniability, or something,” says Stairmand in the sketch. “So, if he tells me that helping him dispose of a whole bunch of green waste is gonna better my surfing, I’m for it.”
