Noa Deane, NOT peeing in his Xcel Drylock. Photo: Quinn Matthews
I love peeing in my wetsuit. Sometimes, I’ll drink as much water as I can an hour before I surf, just so I’ll be totally primed. Don’t lie – everyone does it, at least at some point. And really, it’s not a big deal. It flushes out right quick, especially if your wetsuit is old and full of holes.
A few days ago, I got a new wetsuit from Xcel. They have this new thing they’re calling TDC Thermo Dry Celliant, which is “a revolutionary inner lining with smart fibers that recycle your body heat into infrared energy for greater warmth, increased endurance, faster recovery, and enhanced overall performance.” It sounds awesome, and looks even more awesomer. The entire inside is this crazy fuzzy techicolor dreamcoat. So much science! It also holds pee really, really well. I paddled out in it, excited to be wearing this slick new suit – my old one has a hole the size of Nebraska in the shoulder which makes me look like a homeless man – and promptly unleashed a torrent. It’s like marking my territory, sort of, only not really at all, because no one’s trying to get in my wetsuit with me.
Technicolor urine holder-inner! Thank you, science.
After a few seconds of urine-induced pleasure, I realized that this suit didn’t have a giant hole in it, which is a good thing, unless you’re bathing in your own pee for more than a minute. It’s got a waterproof zipper, along with wrist and ankle seals. They use a glued seam called FusionWeld that’s heat fused with an insanely durable outside, then tape the seams on the inside. Ain’t nothing getting in there. Somehow, they’ve figured out how to make a decent glue that can actually stretch without cracking like an egg with osteoporosis. But the gist of it is that my pee was not getting out. I just stewed in it, waiting for it to flush, like a roast in a toilet.
Now, for a non-pee-er, this is a good thing. This suit only lets the slightest amount of water in, which then stays there, thanks to all these crazy advancement Xcel is making in wetsuit technology. The one I got is a 3-mil, and I swear to God, it’s as warm as a 5-mil. A 7, if you pee in it. And because of the way they’ve designed it, there is the absolute minimum of seams, allowing for this crazy stretch that most suits don’t have.
All in all, this Xcel’s new Drylocks are an incredible wetsuit. They’ve managed to create something that has stretch with the maximum amount of warmth using the minimum amount of thickness. Just don’t pee in it.
