Just a few unsolicited thoughts about how bigger boards and paddles are harshing my wave count. Illustration: The Inertia
There’s a set on the horizon. I’m extra piqued, because I’ve been sitting outside waiting on a bomb, and I know I’ve got the inside track for position on this thing. I paddle toward the advancing wall of water and spin around to take off. I’m about to pop, but a peek to my right reveals an advancing figure already on the wave. It’s a middle-aged guy in a hat, and he’s got a fucking oar in his hands. It’s a totally rippable five-footer, but this dude is just cruising along on his stand-up, waving his oar around like a jackass.
It’s becoming an all-too-familiar experience. The SUP crew is officially out of control. First of all, it’s not even surfing. Sorry, you can’t start standing up and call it surfing unless you’re Laird Hamilton getting towed into Jaws. Not only don’t you have to pop up on a SUP, but it’s also criminally easy to catch waves. You can just sit outside the lineup and pick off all the best waves because you can catch them much farther out than the surfers.
Okay, I’m not complaining about all the SUP folk out there – just the ones who exploit their wave-catching advantage. You know who you are. You take all the waves, taking a perverse pleasure in burning all of the surfers on smaller boards as you glide by them. The shortboard SUPs drive me even more crazy. Why get a SUP if you want to shred a wave? Stop using the oar to accentuate your turns. Everybody is giving you the evil eye for a reason.
There are plenty of SUP surfers who do it the right way. There’s a fun break near my house that takes a little walking to get to. It’s a hot spot for SUPs because they can paddle there pretty easily. If there was anywhere you’d experience the selfishness of SUPs, you’d think it’d be there, but it’s actually the opposite. These guys and gals could take every single wave from the few of us that walked our way to the break before paddling out. However, these kind folks wave us in and kick out when a good one comes through. They share. They only make me hate the wave hogs more.
It’s summer now, and it’s worse than ever. The SUP craze is in full force. I’ve got one guy taking every set wave and doing pretty much nothing with it, and then I’ve got beginners careening toward me on their massive sticks with looks of sheer panic on their faces. This is too much to handle.
I’m mostly kidding about all of this, but I’m totally serious about the SUP riders that take way too many waves. We all know you have an advantage that you didn’t work to achieve. Nobody respects it, and if you don’t cool it I’m just going to start unabashedly dropping in on you. You’ve been warned.
Editor’s Note: Opinions expressed by contributors are their own. The Inertia encourages the responsible enjoyment of the ocean in all shapes and sizes. Check out a few other perspectives contributors have shared on SUP surfing here and here and here, too.
