Tell me it ain’t pretty! Craig Anderson deploys a luscious grab in a frame “grab” from Chapter 11.
I must have been under a rock for the past couple of weeks. I’ve only just discovered the vile tip of the sexual harassment iceberg that is Harvey Weinstein. Last I heard he was hosting parties with Dirk Ziff and the WSL.
Old Wino seems to have a bit of an appetite for grabbing and an unquenchable thirst for pretty young things. Of course, it’s all just “alleged” at the moment, right? Perhaps it’s just coincidence that he happened to repeatedly corner young actresses in hotel suites with his contracts and his bathrobe and his penis.
I wonder which WSL lovely will be the first to come out with a tale of Weinsteiny sexual woe? My money’s on Julian Wilson.
Anyway, the type of grabbing I wish to endorse is not the type that Harvey Weinstein (allegedly, perhaps) used on Julian Wilson.
Though coincidentally, it also seems to happen behind closed doors, like a grubby (but significantly less rapey) little secret.
Grabs are performed furtively in only two places: hotel suites and windy corners of Maui. No one talks about grabs in surfing. No one tries them in competitions. But why not?
Pro surfing is missing a trick. Grabs can be epic and beautiful. Big, boned-out, lovely grabs! So much style potential, so seldom attempted.
Snowboarders do grabs best, ironically. It’s rare that surfing borrows anything from snowboarding. The relationship is almost entirely one-way traffic. But maybe we should follow their lead for once.
Over time, snowboarding has realized that once you start doing switch, backside, triple-corked whatdaeymfucks people start to lose interest. Or at least get too confused to appreciate it. Here’s a little taste of action from Travis Rice’s The Fourth Phase below:
Sometimes you just want missionary. Sometimes you just want vanilla. Sometimes all you want is a slow, wafted backside 180, or a long-held, properly extended Method. Because that’s what looks good, and that’s what feels good.
Surfing is ultimately about style. Technical tricks have their merit, but they don’t really fit. Spins on a surfboard look awkward. Spasmodic flippy flapping and flailing arms is ugly. Pointy noses of ungainly boards stuck in the whitewater does not look good.
Aside from once-in-a-lifetime punts (Jordy at North Point, Mikey Wright last week in France, JJF on multiple occasions), everything else looks a bit like 2010 Jadson Andre.
Simply put: Grabs fit the aesthetic of surfing better than any other air-related maneuvers.
Exhibit A: Craig Anderson, Chapter 11 // 14.52.
Who better to exemplify this aesthetic than the androgynous Andy? A slob grab with the most delicate poise. And a proper one, with back leg extended, polished toes pointed.
Exhibit B: Albee Layer, View From a Blue Moon, 20.34.
A textbook indy grab, tail tweaked out, held long and slow. Albee might be the quiet king of this. There’s also an excellent example in the intro to the Kai Lenny movie.
Exhibit C: Filipe Toledo, WSL profile vid, 4.00 – 4.15.
Three grabs on the trot that will grab you by the balls and hold them firmly yet gently. Not too long, but just long enough.
But all of these are mere canapes. I want to see big, lofted, styled out grabs. I want to see variations, not just Slobs and Indys. What about Roast Beefs, Chicken Salads, and Canadian Bacons? There is a veritable banquet of grabs that surfers have never tucked into. Almost as many as Harvey has attempted.
And what about the classics? What about nose grabs, and tail grabs? What about Japan airs? (Oh, I go weak at the knees for a proper Japan air!)
And what about the king of grabs? WHAT ABOUT METHODS?
Can we even do that? Skateboarders do them, so surely…John? Filipe? Albee?
Ultimately, whether it’s snowboarding, surfing or anything else that involves standing sideways on a board, style trumps all. And well-executed grabs are the epitome of style. Grabs should be the future of progressive surfing!
Hell, let’s get Harvey a gig at the WSL to usher in this new era. I’m sure he could fill in as a less creepy Richie Porta. Even better, let’s have him doing locker room interviews. I’m sure he’d be great at that.
