Slater’s eyes are so Electric.
For a guy who spends as much time in the sun as much as Kelly Slater, he sure didn’t wear sunglasses all that often. And for a guy in the sun who didn’t wear sunglasses that often, he’s surprisingly void of crow’s feet. Take me, for example. Right now, I’m 32-years-old. I’ve worn sunglasses a lot in my life, and the sides of my eyes still look like an elephant’s butt. And an extra-wrinkly one, at that. But Kelly’s skin looks like a piece of wax paper, or a Ken doll, or a Ken doll wrapped in wax paper, and he’s 40-something. Bullshit.
For some odd reason in the last few years, people picked up on the fact that Kelly Slater never–like, NEVER–wore sunglasses. “But his eyes are so light!” concerned fans gushed. “He NEEDS them!” A few months ago, Kelly Slater appeared in a helicopter with his eyes covered by sunglasses. Needless to say, people were VERY excited. It is a big deal, after all, when Kelly Slater wears sunglasses. But everyone wondered whether it was going to be a new thing for Slater, or if he was just wearing them that once, perhaps because of a raging case of pink eye, or a maybe he secretly wears a glass eye, and happened to misplace it for the day. Well, concerned fans, you can finally rest easy. Kelly Slater is wearing sunglasses.
He’s wearing Electrics, to be exact. Now, the brand of Kelly’s choice isn’t all that surprising, because Electric is owned by a french behemoth (le monstre!) of a corporation called Kering, which Kelly aligned himself with after his marriage with Quik didn’t get through counseling. Kering, for those of you who don’t know, owns a whole shit-ton of other companies, like Gucci and Puma and Volcom, just to name a few.
Kelly’s departure from the poor, misguided sunglasses-less freak show of a life he must have lead is a breath of fresh air in this far too-sunny world. He just better take them off when he’s speaking with someone. There’s nothing ruder than person who doesn’t take their sunglasses off in a conversation.
