During the quarter finals of the Outerknown Fiji Pro, Kelly Slater, sitting in his civvies at the bar on Tavarua and watching the contest on a TV screen, was invited to join Ronnie and Rosie on the broadcast. What happened next was classic Slater.
As if he were standing tall in a double overhead Pipe bomb with his hands behind his back, he strolled into the role of commentator and delivered a professional broadcasting performance that made a mockery of what we’re used to. Rosie Hodge and Ronnie Blakey, as competent a duo as the WSL have ever managed to stumble upon, were left looking like rank amateurs, offering plaintive questions to Kelly like he was Ron Burgundy in his pomp.
There was absolutely no knifing, there were no visions, and – gloriously – there was no “nice, clean, smooth surfing.”
In place of these ear-aching commentary staples, came a voice of experience, woven expertly with detail and analogy. He was casual but thorough; informative yet concise. There was technical precision in his description of the movements of the surfers and the waves, but this never strayed into the realms of invented jargon or safety cliches. He didn’t shy away from criticism either, dissecting the tactics and performances of his ol’ mates Bede and Parko like a sashimi chef. It was as if he’d been on the mic for years.
For the briefest of moments, the WSL became a watchable and – perhaps more importantly for pro surfing – a listenable product.
Kelly’s accomplishments certainly give reverence to his words and delivery, but that might be doing him a disservice. His talent for communication has nothing to do with his achievements in surfing. When Kelly speaks, people tend to pay attention. He is a master communicator with a conversational style that is open yet assured, and he is relentlessly analytical.
It is partly for this reason that having Kelly commentate regularly is a dream. It couldn’t happen (right now). He’s pulled in too many directions and ultimately has far bigger fish to skewer. However, he might make a guest appearance now and again. He might even commentate Fiji every year.
Even Ronnie Blakey, normally the epitome of composure, seemed rattled by Slater’s commentary game. He was interrupted by the commercial break whilst attempting to probe Kelly about his future plans. In transition, Ronnie threatened to “put him to the sword” when they came back. It wasn’t clear whether he meant this literally or figuratively. Either way, he was confused.
Slater’s performance in the water at Fiji was pretty forgettable, but his performance out of it has been notable. He was definitely letting his hair down – according to Instagram and Sean Doherty. Maybe his commentary was so good because he was still on the Skulldraggers. Mick Fanning had to hop on a flight to escape Kelly’s headlocks and wrestling challenges.
Perhaps this is his transition. This is where he becomes Party Kelly. I heard he mistook Mick for Eugene and was shooting for the title. What will Kelly’s alter ego be called – Jimmy, or just Slade?
Maybe this is just the next step in Kelly’s retirement phase – batter into the sauce. It’s great though, right? It humanizes him. It shows that even he can get over excited on the booze and make a fool of himself, just like the rest of us.
At the end of the day, Kelly Slater can do whatever he damn well pleases, but I do hope he isn’t hanging out with that dude from Coldplay. Slater wins no friends with his shout out to Chris Martin during the sign-off. The King of Surfing salutes the prince of student-bed-wetter music? Major cringe.
Kelly Slater, also a master of elocution. Photo: WSL/Kelly Cestari
Editor’s Note: Opinions expressed by contributors are their own.
View more wisdom from Kelly via our (HEADSPACE) Pt. 1, Pt. 2, and our talk story with him and Rob Machado.
