Welcome to the jungle, Baloo.
Surfing’s lack of structure is the essence of its beauty, but can also reveal the animal in us. Welcome to the jungle!
The Monkeys: The gaggle of groms who have foregone their final-period commitments to snatch their share. Buzzing on nothing but Kit-Kats and pure stoke, they hurl themselves over the ledge of onshore shories, surfacing wide-eyed and foaming at the mouth. They (usually) don’t throw feces, but launch their heavily stickered 4’10”s to the heavens in grossly optimistic attempts at a Dane turn or a Jordy backflip. Their hoots and hollers of 20-second barrels and 20-foot bombs ensure the lineup is never lacking energy.
The Snake: Cunning, deceitful and determined to dominate the peak, the snake is among the most unsavory animals in the jungle. With each approaching set they slither their way to the inside, wearing a guilty grin and spitting hisses of “mine.” Sensing a coup, the snake will offer a friendly “how’s it going?” to excuse their misconduct, all the while craftily floating to the front of the line. Drop in on the snake and you’ll face bared fangs, and even a bite to the ankle from a kicked-out board.
The Lion: Sage, silent, shrouded in mystique and the undisputed king of the jungle, the lion is an equally revered and feared member of the lineup. Legendary accounts of outer-reef conquests, colourful tales of days on the pro tour, hushed reports of years in dense Indonesian wilderness; the romance will have you begging for a chance to call the lion into a set. They may sit for two hours without so much as glancing at a wave, with apparently nothing fit for a king. But who can challenge their prowess when the last wave actually ridden was G-Land in ’83?
The Hyenas: The hyenas hunt in packs, adopting an “us vs. the rest” mentality. Without their clan they can appear sombre and suspicious, but when in numbers they ignite with confidence. The jungle finds respite from their cackling only during duck-dives, but during a lull their night-before triumphs are advertised for all to hear. Find yourself in the way of one and you’ll have the rest to contend with, but come wave of the day their camaraderie dissolves and they battle with fervor amongst their own.
The Gorilla: Bare-chested in the depths of winter, the gorilla is determined to exhibit strength. Plowing its 10-foot log through the frigid depths with swallowed grunts, the gorilla staggers upright in a beautiful Darwinian display and begins its beeline for the shoulder. The scrambling pack is promptly mowed down, but it’s okay, the gorilla has retreated up the sand for a rinse in the hot springs.
Tarzan and Jane: Catching set upon set on their shiny SUPs, too giddy in jungle love to notice the glares as they assume their position a few feet further out than the rest.
