You can always count on Raglan Surf Report’s Luke Cederman for a laughable take on the mundane, even when it’s something as simple as buying a surfboard.
Truth is it’s actually not simple anymore. There are too many options. Too many variables beyond the old, basic length-thickness-tail shape description that somehow used to suffice for describing a surfboard. There are too many model names to remember. A basic stringer down the center of your board? What is this, 2005? Order something from your local shaper? That’d just be crazy.
“What about this one? The new Dark Artist model,” he asks. “It’s supposed to be really good for doing airs.”
“Can you do airs?”
“Well, no, but that’s why I get the board…f**kin’ idiot…”
Oh, and let’s not forget which boards look best when you’re standing around in the parking lot before or after a surf. One must consider the importance of aesthetics, after all. Or maybe you’re a science geek and you’re really hip on all the technology and testing that went into developing a board you definitely can’t afford. That’s certainly key in knowing how great the thing surfs before you’ve even touched it. Or what about that 100 percent sustainable hemp surfboard? Uh, that’s actually just a hemp mat?
“But I’m just looking for something really basic, ya know? Something that goes good on every kind of wave imaginable and makes me surf the best I have in my entire life.”
