Keep dreamin’. Photo: Jamison McAndie//Unsplash
Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you once thought that if your partner just tried surfing, it would change everything. Once they got hooked, you’d become a tow-in team testing the outer reefs together. Holidays spent getting barreled in Tahiti, all gifts courtesy of your joint shaper Leashplug, weekends exploring off-the-map breaks in your wax-encrusted Westy.
Sorry, Heartthrob, but you’re living in a Double-Fantasy if you think that Yoko (or John) is suddenly going to start checking Surfline at your own, very normal 15-minute intervals.
If your sweet slice of burning love doesn’t already appreciate the beauty of an offshore sunset sesh, they’re also not going to be stoked about pulling on wet neoprene on a chilly morning to chase waist-high closeouts in search of “the one.”
Stop forcing it. Unlike Mentos and Netflix subscriptions, surfing is not meant to be shared.
If you want your partner to stay the course, stop asking them to paddle out. Stop buying them “surprise” wetsuits for Christmas or booking surf trips for two on the “joint” credit card.
Surfing is your thing, Brothers and Sisters, and no one else’s. Not even the person you’d paddle to the end of the earth for.
Here’s why it should stay that way.
Never Let Them See You Suck
If they don’t paddle out with you, they aren’t going to see you miss the section or get burned by someone with more talent and speed. I’m not suggesting you lied about that epic tube. Surfing is unique in that many of us, in those split-second slashes, actually believe that we surfed way, way better than we actually did.
How many times have you come home full of stoke only to rewind the ol’ cam and find out that your stance was full-on Cardiff Kook? Guess what? No non-surfer is going to check up on your Rewind. Hate to break it to you, they don’t care if you finally stuck a Sushi Roll. They just want you to take them out for sashimi.
Embrace Relationship Reality
You may dream of waxing boards over waffles, zipping each other’s wetsuits and duck-diving to the lineup in unison. You also may believe that Elon Musk made Twitter much better. Instead, your alarm blares at 5 a.m. on Saturday, but your partner – who enjoys a weekend tequila or two like most mammals – doesn’t roll out of bed until 6 a.m.
Instead of a quick coffee and a parking lot banana, your ball-and-chain has their sights set on an egg-white omelet. By the time you hit the beach, parking is a jam and the wind has shifted. Plus, one of you is frothing to finally grab a few waves. The other thought you’d take your time and paddle out together around the corner, where it’s much…smaller.
This is a recipe for disaster. Take it from the guy who got yelled at by his (amazing) fiancé in a crowded lineup in Costa. Was it my fault? Totally. Is she going to read this? Totally.
Keep Your Surfing Friendships
As we get older, the time we get to spend with friends old and new washes away. Surfing together allows friends the ability to root for each other, goof off together, and have a reason to stay in touch. The ocean is not only conducive to backside hacks and party waves but also flat-spell convos about personal stuff: work, family, life and its infinite struggles…you name it.
Surfing with a friend can also get the competitive juices flowing and motivate you to continue to improve and even paddle out on a morning when you otherwise may have slept in.
Separate Passions, One Love
When you spend a lot of time with someone, finishing each other’s sentences and engaging in similar behaviors become necessary evils. But when two partners become one person, this co-dependence can become unhealthy. Our sense of self relies on our individuality, and without a strong sense of self-esteem, there’s no chance you can buy that new twin-fin mid-length you do not need with a straight face.
Couples with divergent interests have more in-depth, long-lasting relationships, and we’ve heard that the surfer in the relationship also gets love-shacked more, too – and not just in the water.
All in all, keep your surfing addiction to yourself, and you’ll stay stalled in the barrel of a Sex Bomb that will undoubtedly last longer than Taylor and Travis’ Love Story.
