According to reports, Fanning killed the shark with a Michelob Ultra thunder punch to the head.
The Freshwater Pro presented by Outerknown was called off for the day on Friday morning after a 15-foot great white shark was spotted near the wave-generating foil. “Thing looked like a submarine,” shouted Raimana Van Bastolaer from an idling Jet Ski. “Bigger than Mick’s!”
According to reports, the shark was first noticed by Joe Turpel, who was commentating from the booth at the time. While it is not known exactly how the shark made it into the pool 100 miles from the ocean, it is suspected that it was smuggled in by a spectator. “I have no idea who brought this thing in here,” Turpel told reporters, “but it’s clear someone did. As to how they did it, well, that’s the mystery.”
After the alarm was raised, security guards from Tachi Palace made their way to the pool. Gabriel Medina, who famously spoke out against surfing in sharky waters at the 2018 Margaret River Pro, was in the water at the time. He was quickly pulled to safety.
Once guards arrived on the scene and assessed the situation, they called Mick Fanning to assist. Fanning, who has some experience with sharks, sprinted through the crowd, grabbing a Michelob Ultra Light from a stunned spectator’s hand. He stood at the edge of the pool, scanning the horizon for the shark. When he spotted it, he whistled for the Jet Ski, jumped on the back, and sped out towards the giant predator, chugging his beer as he went. Without slowing down, Fanning leaped from the back of the ski, one fist outstretched, and landed a crushing blow on the shark’s head. The shark, according to a marine biologist who happened to be onsite, “never saw it coming.” It was pronounced dead on the scene.
Kelly Slater, the man behind both the Surf Ranch and the company that sponsored the Freshwater Pro, spoke to media in the aftermath. “Oh man!” he said. “And you all thought that no one wants to watch the Freshwater Pro! You wanna talk viewers? That got some viewers! How you like me now?!”
When reporters asked Slater if he had any idea how the shark got into the pool, Slater had no comment.
Editor’s Note: If you didn’t figure out this was satire within the first few sentences, shoot us a note and we’ll immediately send someone to hit you over the head with a frying pan. You can watch the event live at WorldSurfLeague.com
