They do have their advantages, though. Still rideable, even with dings. Photo: The Inertia
Foam surfboards are the mustaches of surfing. The trend has lasted too long, they look ridiculous, and they should be rapidly eliminated with a sharp object.
I know, these boards serve a function, man! They help average-Joe surfers up their wave count. They provide kids with learners that won’t dent their melons.
Most notably, they help people like badass Mike Coots, a shark-attack victim who rides a Wavestorm because his prosthetic leg would damage a fiberglass board. So, foamies – or soft-tops – can and should play a specific role in some situations.
Yet most people who buy Gerry Lopez California Surfboards at Costco are doing so because they want to give surfing the ol’ college try, even though they don’t like stingrays, rocks, barnacles, coral, sand, the ocean, sunblock, waves, or waiting around. When they decide surfing is too difficult, they chuck the pool noodle in the backyard, where, thanks to its all-natural materials, it survives until humans finally colonize Mars.
The web is full of pro-foam fiction, but I’m here to dispel a few choice nuggets.
Foam Surfboards Aren’t Bad for the Environment Because, Well, All Surfboards Are
As opposed to borrowing an old board from a friend or relative, beginners are dipping into foam like they’re in Ibiza in the ’90s. The ease of picking up a cheap board from a big-box store along with a bag of frozen waffles and a box of jeans means more sales, and more companies making foam boards to satisfy demand.
All surfboard construction has an adverse impact on the environment, but more foam surfboards creates more pollution, even as we begin the cement-footed journey to sustainable surfboard construction.
Foam Boards Help People Learn Safely
As a kid, I spent years dragging a heavy eight-footer out of a friend’s shed. I paddled out where I could find some room, tried to learn etiquette, and usually hurt myself in some way. The fact that sports like surfing, snowboarding, and skateboarding wreak havoc on your body acts as a filter. Getting held under or swept against the rocks makes us work harder and value our best rides. As foam boards make surfing more accessible, lineups grow more crowded. Soft boards don’t hurt as much when you get drilled in the eye, but when a clueless foam posse storms the main peak, it spells disaster.
Foam Boards are Simple and Cheap
Foam boards start at around $150-$250, but many companies are busily adding new stringers, stiffer rails and thinner rails, glassed epoxy bottoms, stronger cores and more. Wait long enough, and that $350 soft-top will become a $700 board akin to all the other boards in your quiver. However, it will have a spongy deck to sink your toes into, just in case you hate wax and enjoy chafing those inner thighs under a glorious sunset.
Foam Boards Are Great for High-Level Surfing
The ubiquity of foam boards shows that these sticks have cemented their place in the surf world, and some surfers claim that soft-tops allow them to ride rocky breaks over shallow reefs without breaking their boards. Team Wavestorm groms send it in unrideable shore break, while every time Jamie O’Brien charges Pipe on a pink Catch Surf log, a lone shaper falls off his or her bar stool.
However, much of this high-level soft-top surfing is due to money, sponsorship, and the quest to go viral. When Ben Gravy busts sick airs on foam, is he doing so because it is easier or because the act is ironic, clickable, and more challenging? When pro water-skier Nate Smith rode skis made of two-by-fours with metal edges in the terrain park, no one else swapped out their Line Chronics for Douglas Fir, right?
For sure, talented surfers like to play around with their equipment and take risks, and this means trying out new shapes and fin formations. Many musicians behave similarly. Jack White exclusively played a guitar he described as a “hollow piece of plastic” for years for The White Stripes because he enjoyed the intersection between self-imposed limitations and creativity.
Most of us, however, want a board that suits the conditions and allows us to keep progressing. I don’t believe that a foam log can supply that for 90 percent of surfers out there. Just because an invention makes surfing easier and safer, does not mean that it makes it better in the long run.
It is OK if surfing remains difficult and dangerous. Riding waves is not for everyone. But hey, if you really want to get crazy, there’s a sale on boogie boards at CVS right now. Grab two, tape ‘em together, and throw some spray, sponger!
