Pictured: Florida Man
Florida man strikes again. This time he had a piece of foam under his arm and fins in his hand as he sprinted through the hot sand along Panama Beach. His crime? A solo session in minuscule onshore surf…followed by evading police and then striking an officer. Some people only live to get radical and Florida Man definitely gets radical (this is an ode to “Florida Man” headlines, which you can find more of here).
Garrison Creamer, a 38-year-old from Bay County, Florida, was boogie boarding in Panama City Beach last week when lifeguards declared a double red-flag warning, which excludes swimmers and even boogie boarders from being in the water during hazardous conditions. “Only those tethered to a surfboard can enter the water during double red flags,” a release from the Bay County Sheriff’s Office says. Since this is Florida, a lifeguard standing on the beach yelling at Creamer to get out of the water wasn’t going to cut it, so when he refused to end his session, local deputies came on the scene and a helicopter was brought in for backup, hovering over him while they demanded he come back to the beach. This went on for almost half an hour. No reports yet on his wave count during the standoff.
“After about 25 minutes, (Creamer) returned to shore, boogie board in hand, and tried to avoid deputies by running through the large crowd that had gathered to watch,” the release reads. And why wouldn’t a crowd gather on the beach? They brought in a helicopter to take this guy on and sheriff’s deputies were on the beach screaming at him with bullhorns. Emboldened by the cheering audience, Creamer somehow thought he was athletic enough to win a foot race — a point quickly shot down when a head fake worthy of a low-50s rating on Madden didn’t break any deputy ankles.
As a last resort, Creamer swung on one of the officers trying to take him down, which was probably when his session of double red-flag protest jumped from an annoying fine to securing an updated mugshot. According to the Sheriff’s Office, a double red-flag violation comes with a fine between $500 and $1,000 if it’s not the first offense, but Creamer got slapped with the violation of a double red-flag ordinance, obstruction of justice, plus resisting and battery of law enforcement and a trip to county jail.
In the words of Bodhi, “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.”
