No this is not me. I would never surf a wave this big. But if I did, it would probably look something like this. Photo: ANDREW CHISHOLM
I don’t know if any of you played Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 and did the nasty cheat code “ultimate grind mode,” while listening to the song “Superman” by Goldfinger…but if you did, that feeling would describe the last two years of my college career.
I’m considered a traitor by my hometown friends from the San Francisco, Bay Area. But, let’s get this out of the way right now, f*** the SoCal hater. SoCal girls > NorCal girls. End. Of. Story.
Let me give you some quick insight. I’m 20 years old, going to college in Southern California, loving the 10x more attractive women, popping cheap champagne like I won a championship ring, and loving life. Well, who walks into my life?
This “Laguna Beach” douchebag, surfer bro, that literally is cleaning up with the ladies harder than Jonny drama at a Viking Quest conference. His name is Drew Savage. Sounds made up, right?
In life it is easier to hate what you don’t know, than to give something unknown a solid chance.
Well, as fate would have it, Drew and I moved in together in a small shack in Germany on a study abroad trip. Europe was absolutely killer. We traveled to random countries, tasted the local naughty water, and attempted to get laid. But the single story relevant to this story was when Drew and I headed to the Canary Islands for a vacation. Now, the Canary Islands sound like paradise, but in all reality, they were created by volcanic rock aka sharp rocks and black beaches – more like a trip to Mars than an exotic white sand beach.
And what does one do in the rugged Canary Islands near the African coastline? You surf. A rented car, soft top longboard, and wetsuit later and we were in the water.
After about 2 hours of “attempting” to mount my board, I literally have not caught a single wave. Also, I think we can all agree, that when first learning to surf, it is way harder than you think to paddle out. The short board locals, “duck dive,” but the long board hoales have to “turtle.” Basically, turtling is like slowly being raped by the ocean. Between you and me, I will admit it first, I had a serious grom moment. I was paddling out when this 3 foot wall comes straight at me. I ditched my 8’6 long board in fear for a brief moment before it decided to come back and hit me in the face. Blood started gushing everywhere. I paddle to the shore and passed out on the beach, arms and legs spread wide, defeated.
After sulking on the sand and wiping up the blood, I returned to the waves with a newfound ambition. The ocean had been a b*tch to me, but I wasn’t going to let her get away with it. I put my head down and paddled, “turtling” through the crashing waves. Before I knew it, I was out in the lineup with the other surfers, Drew’s smiling face beaming at me as if to say, “It’s about time!” That day, Drew managed to push me into two waves. Once I got up – the rush, the speed, the adrenaline had me hooked.
Fast forward. Senior year 2013.
I move into a hidden gem, known as Playa Del Rey, in Los Angeles. Sure enough, that surfer brah from Laguna Beach won’t leave me alone. We end up moving in together next to what the locals called “Titmouse Park.” I know what you are thinking, and yes, titmouse was voluptuous and full of psycho homeless people. However, Titmouse happened to be 5 minutes from the beach. Quick flash back…
Surfing in NorCal takes hard work and dedication. Basically, if you don’t have a dedicated family member that surfs, it’s just not going to happen. The weather is colder than a witches tit, plus we have the constant great white threat. So basically, I never surfed growing up.
Fast forward again.
I’m at Titmouse, living with Drew. Now it’s been said around the campfire, but most believe, Drew was literally conceived on a surfboard, as a Laguna Beach gift from the surf gods. Although he peaked in ripping at 13, he was given the natural gift of being able to surf almost anything. Unfortunately, he is still man and can’t get an erection after 8 beers.
Anyway, as Drew surfs nearly everyday while I’m sitting at home, I have a revelation. I think to myself, it would be pretty dope to also live the gnar life (get a good workout, pick up a new sport…plus have chicks practically dry humping my leg for living the “surf life”).
Drew and I tear senior year up in the water. Can I add, it may have been one of the best years of my life! I buy a 7’6 Becker long board and surf happily ever after with Drew at El Porto in Manhattan beach 3-4 days a week.
But before I leave, a few lessons I learned from surfing:
1) There is nothing more calming than being in the ocean in between sets.
2) Use a plastic bag on your feet to put on a wetsuit.
3) Like life, there are good wave days and bad wave days, but all that matters is being consistent and maintaining a good attitude.
4) Wear sunscreen, but if you can find it, blue blocker.
5) Don’t freak out if you see a shark. It is probably not lethal and you will be called a p***y for paddling in.
6) If you find a significant other who surfs – hang on to them. Nothing will mend a petty fight better than a surf session together.
