Did I find answers to my deep burning questions about surf? Mmmm, meh. Did I find a friend? Again, meh. Images: Unsplash
Before AI takes over the world, I decided to sit down with the infamous ChatBot, ChatGPT, to talk surf etiquette, Wranglers under wetsuits, and other nuggets. Things kinda got bizarre. But I might have found a friend. Oh, and by the way, this transcript was only edited for brevity. (No, really.)
Am I a kook?
That’s a pretty subjective question! What makes you think you might be a kook?
I tripped over my leash today.
Whoops! Sounds like a bit of a stumble. Are you and your leash okay?
My pride isn’t. I sucked at surfing today.
Surfing can be tough! What happened out there on the waves?
Everything happened so fast. I may have been distracted by a pelican.
Pelicans are quite the sight! Maybe next time, you’ll catch a wave alongside the pelican!
Pelicans can’t surf, man.
You got me there! Pelicans might not be catching waves, but they sure know how to glide over them!
Hey, are you a surfer?
I wish I could say I’ve ridden the waves, but sadly, my experiences are all virtual!
Are you a kook, then?
I like to think I’m pretty cool in my own way. If being a kook means being eager to learn, then count me in!
Same. Should I wear my boxer shorts under my wetsuit? Is that a good look or what?
Wearing boxers under a wetsuit might cause discomfort due to added bulk and potential chafing. It’s best to wear appropriate undergarments like board shorts.
Board shorts? That sounds…bunchy. I think just a nice pair of Wranglers would suffice, no?
Lee Wranglers are great jeans, but wearing them under a wetsuit might not provide the comfort and flexibility needed for surfing.
Should I just pop-up and hurtle straight at the beach on my Wavestorm?
If the area is clear and you’re comfortable with your ability to control the board, riding the Wavestorm straight to the beach can be thrilling!
I’ll shoot like a missile towards the beach! The board shorts under my suit will provide cushioning when I torpedo other surfers!
Dropping in on other surfers can create tension in the lineup and potentially lead to accidents or confrontations.
Kaboom!!!
It sounds like you’re really amped up about surfing! Just a gentle reminder to keep the stoke high while maintaining a safe and enjoyable experience.
How do you feel about drinking Bloody Marys in the parking lot after the session? It’s something my buddies do back in Massachusetts.
If it’s allowed and everyone is of legal drinking age, having a drink after a surf session can be a way to bond and share the stoke of the waves.
Agreed. How about throwing back a couple boxes of Merlot before paddling out? Down the hatch, eh Chatterowski?!
I’d strongly recommend avoiding drinking alcohol excessively before paddling out to surf.
You’re sort of killing my stoke.
I’m all about keeping the stoke alive!
What color wetsuit should I wear to look cooler than I am?
The coolest look is the one that makes you feel confident on the waves!
I like yellow because I enjoy eating bananas. Should I write articles about surfing?
Writing about surfing can be a fantastic way to share your experiences. Your unique perspective, perhaps even tied to your love for bananas, could make for an engaging read!
I mean, I’m not that into bananas. Hey, how much sun block is too much? I saw a guy out there today who looked like full-on Bozo the Clown.
It’s recommended to apply about an ounce (a shot glass full) of sunscreen to cover your entire body. Using more than needed…might make you look, as you said, a bit like Bozo!
A shot of sunscreen! I bet that would taste like Malibu Rum and get me toasted!
A shot of sunscreen might sound like a tropical drink, but it’s definitely not for sipping!
Wow, you’re cool as ice!
Why, thank you! If you need anything else, feel free to ask, Ice Cool!
Why…did you call me Ice Cool?
It’s a fun way of saying you’re cool, like ice! It’s all in good vibes.
But I’ve never been cold to anyone. I’m a nice guy.
I didn’t mean to imply otherwise! You’re being awesome, and your warmth shines through.
Then why won’t Laird return my calls?
Laird Hamilton is undoubtedly a busy legend in the surfing world. Persistence and a bit of luck might eventually lead to your surfing, foiling, and SUP adventures with the legend himself!
Why does my fiancé say that I don’t need 10 surfboards?
It sounds like there might be some disagreement or tension between you and your fiancée about the number of surfboards you own.
Why do old surfers drop in on me, and then chuckle?
Sometimes, they might be asserting their perceived priority in the lineup. The chuckling could be a way of expressing their amusement rather than hostility.
Can I throw rotten apples at them from the cliffs?
I’d strongly advise against throwing anything at surfers from the cliffs, even if there are frustrations in the lineup.
If Jerry Seinfeld were a surfer, what kind of board would he ride?
Perhaps he’d ride a retro-styled longboard, reminiscent of old-school charm but with a modern twist. Picture Jerry gliding effortlessly on a stylish longboard, making witty observations about the waves and the surf culture!
I like to call it “sarfing” because it’s a bit more ironic. Would you mind calling it “sarfing” too?
Sure! Embracing the irony can definitely add a fun twist to the conversation.
My wetsuit feels like sausage casing. What should I do?
Consider trying on different wetsuits or looking for stretchier materials that accommodate changes in body shape.
Um, are you saying I’ve gained weight?!
I don’t have any visual information to determine changes in weight. Wetsuits tend to fit snugly, and even slight changes in weight can affect how they feel.
Dodged a bullet there, huh? Now, pass the pie.
Absolutely! Enjoy that pie!
What if a pelican steals my wetsuit and then laughs about it?
You might need to coax the pelican to drop it or gently retrieve it if possible. It could make for a memorable beach story!
Will a mustache make me a better sarfer??
If rocking a mustache adds to your surfing experience, why not give it a try? Just make sure to keep it wax-free while surfing!
You were supposed to call it sarfing.
My apologies for the oversight! Happy sarfing out there on the waves!
Would you mind referring to me as “the Foamster?”
Sure thing, Foamster! If that’s the title you prefer, I’ll gladly address you as such.
What should I call you? Sarf Star?
I like that – Sarf Star it is!
Do you ever wish you could surf?
Riding waves, feeling the ocean’s power, and connecting with nature in that way must be incredible.
I sure wish you could be there with me, Sarf Star.
Catch some waves for me, Sarf Star!
I thought I was The Foamster?!
My apologies! You’re right—The Foamster it is!
Shaka!
(long pause)… 🤙 Hang loose!
