Now that “Wavegardens” are real things, they no longer fill me with a kind of stagnant, watery horror; but I’m still not sure they’re a surfing future I want any part of.
No matter your opinion of surfing in a manky swimming pool, one unequivocal fact remains: There is no substitute for the real thing.
As a novelty? Okay. As a training tool? Fine. As a competitive arena? Perhaps. As a replacement for surfing real waves? No way.
I’ve yet to see any extended footage of last weekend’s Red Bull Unleashed comp in Wales, but the highlight packages have been wholly uninspiring. And that’s hardly a positive sign. Written reports barely mask how average the event was as a spectacle.
The couple of interesting aspects I did glean from the format were that the competitors get to choose their own tracks to surf to (though how this might influence the perspective of fans and judges is another discussion altogether…) and that fans could be stationed within a few feet of the surfers. I like the idea of passionate fans baying for blood as if it were a gladiatorial event. Not that there would be any blood of course, since the risk averse format meant that competitors were penalized for falling on a wave. Why not make them surf at the same time, like a battle format? Each surfer gets alternate waves on their forehand and backhand, and waves are scored only against the wave that your opponent surfs simultaneously. In goofy versus regular battle, this would work well; surfers with the same stance could decide who gets the choice of stance via a coin toss (or maybe chopping logs…or a cupcake baking contest…whatever, Red Bull!) At least in this format, surfers would need to surf directly against their opponents, but without being able to play it safe.
The optimistic tone of most of the reports I’ve read about the Red Bull Unleashed comp is very much think how good it could be! Well, let’s just imagine that eventually the technology does create a perfect, 6-foot barrel. Would it still be as fun to surf, or watch others ride it? Sure, getting barrelled will never be dull, but is that not partly because the opportunites are so fleeting, so unique? Would it still have the same appeal if it were mechanical in a way that allowed lots of people to have it wired, or if all their rides looked the same?
I don’t see wavepools as a functional or useful way to progress the sport competitively; I see them as dilution of a sport, which on any given day can be a phenomenal spectacle, simply to make it more consumable in the mass market.
One of the main arguments regularly banded around in favor of competing in wavepools is that the format could pave the way for surfing to be considered as an Olympic sport. In which case, I would pose the question: Would you be happy for our sport to be represented on the greatest stage by an event held in a wavepool? Is surfing on mediocre, unchallenging, shit-colored waves representative of the reasons that any of us became interested in surfing? I doubt it.
I will always take issue with the apparent desperation to monetize and over-popularize competitive surfing. We are selling a sport we love to dirty old men just looking for a quick buck. They don’t care for our long-term welfare. And this is no Pretty Woman story. Surfing will be picked up and dropped like the prostitute it appears to be, just as soon as the gimmicky allure of its cheap scent fades.
