Photo: Warren Goldswain
Every day when I meditate on my porcelain throne, I scroll through my Instagram feed. This usually results in me simultaneously envying and resenting a number of people and brands that I follow. I’m not talking about my cousin who incessantly posts pictures of her child, or my artist friends who post pictures of their latest work. I’m talking about the new plethora of brands and ambassadors who have seemingly become supposed “outdoor enthusiasts” over night.
Once upon a time, being an outdoorsman or woman wasn’t very posh. In fact, most trendy city kids would stick their nose up and refer to these nature lovers as “granola” or “tree huggers,” not even attempting to hide their disdain for these lifestyle and wardrobe choices. The city slickers would go about their days drinking expensive coffee and wearing the latest hipster styles, while outdoorsman and women would be happily hiking through the forest in high-wasted olive green shorts and shin-high wool socks (because every outdoors person knows cotton kills).
Recently though, this has gotten all flipped on its head. Now every hip brand and human on the planet is suddenly the outdoors-y type. Every new and emerging brand with their models — who are now dubbed brand ambassadors — are selling sentiments such as “live for adventure” and “modern day exploration.”
This isn’t a bad thing, per se. In fact, in many ways it is good in that it encourages people to experience the great outdoors and explore nature. But it is starting to feel a bit contrived and boring as more and more brands try to fit into what was previously a very niche market. Instead of being progressive and forging his or her own way — which ironically initially once-upon-a-time indicated an authentically adventurous spirit — brands and their ambassadors are sticking to a predetermined formula of market- and space-wide success.
I suppose when I really think about it, I’m not that surprised: we live in a capitalist society; and that is how industry works — something or someone ends up doing something progressive and turns a huge profit and a bunch of less creative and innovative people hop on and exploit it for all it’s worth. So in embracing this newfangled “pioneering,” here is the truth in parlaying the fad for your own purposes while making big money on the great outdoors.
If you are thinking about starting an outdoor brand or want to become an Instagram-famous and -rich brand ambassador, then follow these simple steps and become an overnight sensation. Because in this day and age, success comes down to money and social media followings.
Photo: Nejron Photo
Fashion Over Function
One of the most important aspects of starting your new brand or becoming a brand ambassador is to always choose fashion over function. Wearing technically proficient gear in the woods might save your life, but it will lead to a slow agonizing death on social media.
Being in the outdoors is about being cute, and your Gore-Tex REI jacket isn’t going to pull in those Likes. If you’re a lovely lady, instead of something waterproof wear some super skimpy cut off jean shorts that shows your ass cheeks. Or if you’re a man, wear some super expensive salvaged denim. Pair this with a vintage rock t-shirt, loose fitting poorly manufactured flannel, and a the Bob Dylan-esque hat that you see kids wearing at Coachella and you should be set to survive for a minimum of three hours outdoors (as long as there is no adverse weather), enough time to get those Instagram shots. These are great options for experiencing — or at least looking like you’re experiencing and enjoying — the rugged wilderness without the undesirable experience.
Photo: Dean Fikar
Don’t Have a Sustainability Mission
This is about making money off the outdoors, not doing anything to preserve it. Sustainability is sooo boring. It involves science and planning. How are you going to have time to sell your self as an adventurer if you are bogged down with trying to make your company sustainable? Sure… companies like Patagonia have done it successfully, but they are sooo boring! Just come up with some cool designs, get everything cheaply made overseas, and then throw your endless profits at some nerdy scientists or cool-sounding organization focusing on sustainability issues; because while sustainability itself is boring, looking like you care increases your market and space appeal!
Photo: Nejron Photo
Get a Cool Van
Vans are all the rage right now. If you want bankable adventurer cred, it is absolutely essential that you get a really cool van. Don’t skimp on something that that is affordable, gets great gas millage, and will run forever with little to no maintenance. If this functionality doesn’t look cool parked in front of your kitschy Portland or San Fran apartment, you’re doing it wrong. Get something vintage. As long as it drives well enough to get to the coast or into the hills, you’ll be able to use as the backdrop for your next catalogue shoot. Make sure to make the interior of your van as Pinterest worthy as your loft — anything less would be uncivilized.
Buy Gear… But Don’t Actually Use It
It is important to load your vintage truck, car, or van with cool-looking equipment that people occasionally use in the outdoors. But don’t actually use it, you don’t want to risk decreasing its aesthetic value. The more common outdoor items (or props) that you will want to invest in is an axe or hatchet with a dipped handle, a beautifully-made surfboard generally left unwaxed, and a tent from a very trendy company. With the tent, don’t worry if it would literally fall apart in a rain or wind storm, you’ll never put yourself in a that kind of situation to find out. Plus, sleeping in the woods, wherever they are, would be terrifying and uncomfortable.
Photo: Nejron Photo
Always Make it Look Like You’re Having Fun
Remember, there is no suffering in trendy outdoor branding. When building a hip new outdoor brand, it is always sunsets and clear/beautiful days, because nothing ever goes wrong when exploring nature. We’re trying to sell t-shirts and dreams here. Don’t muck it up with dirt, rain, and bug bites!
Just make sure to promote beautiful people experiencing beautiful places without any perceived effort. Most memorable adventures are accompanied by some sort of suffering and can often go south quickly, but reality and branding are two different beasts. Realistic scenarios should never spoil the dream.
