*Skip ahead to the 6:50 mark in the video above. That’s when the lesson begins.
This is one of those times where I laughed at someone’s misfortune – at least I did until I realized that his misfortune was actually a lot worse than I initially thought. You know that feeling: you’re giggling away, then you see blood and freak out a little bit, then feel terrible for laughing. Everyone learns to surf at some point, but usually the first time doesn’t end in bloodshed. So in the interest of education, here are a few quick tips on what not to do when you’re learning to surf, because learning to surf shouldn’t end like a scene from Kill Bill.The most important lesson can be summed up in the words of the immortal Turtle: “When the wave breaks here, don’t be there, or you’re going to get drilled.”
1. Try and understand what surfing actually is. It’s not flinging yourself over the edge of a sucking, sandy shore pound onto dry rocks (unless you’re Clark Little or Nikki Van Dijk). If you walk out over bare rocks, there’s a good chance you don’t want to be surfing the waves that are breaking directly onto them.
2. Don’t wear glasses. Unless you’re completely blind and/or really good at surfing and don’t have to worry about them, it’s probably not a great idea to wear them. Having long, thin, metal sticks on a string around your neck isn’t really your eyeball’s idea of a good time. They’re sitting in your eye sockets wishing they had arms to protect themselves from the inevitable stabbing. And for God’s sake, if you have somehow found yourself in the predicament that the man in the video does, cover your head when you fall. Protect ya neck!
3. Get your wetsuit on straight. This is a just a small thing, but if your zipper goes from shoulder to shoulder, it goes in the front. If it goes from neck to butt, it goes on your back. If you find yourself about to paddle out and are wondering whether your wetsuit is on backwards, maybe invest in a surf instructor. They’re awesome, and they don’t usually let their students smash their faces off the bottom, which isn’t that fun. Surfing’s supposed to fun. Let them help you have fun!
And finally, I sincerely hope this dad (and his son) got back on the horse and are surfing now. If you guys aren’t, let us know. We’ll take you out. And I promise you won’t come up covered in blood.
