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One of my biggest regrets from my childhood is giving up gymnastics. When I was a teenager, I thought it was time to throw in the towel because there was one girl at my club who kept beating me in competitions. Even now, when I picture her face I can feel a sense of despondency in my stomach. That jealousy, coupled with the fact that I, according to my coach, grew “inconvenient breasts,” spelled the end of my acrobatic career and the start of a lifelong battle with, what I call, exercise envy.
We’ve all experienced it to some degree. Whether in the waves, at the gym, or in a yoga class, we can’t help comparing ourselves to others and seeing what we lack. “How does he make it look so easy,” or “How on earth is she that flexible?” are questions I often ponder. I think this is a particular problem for surfers because catching a wave is such a public performance. If you’re not surfing, you’re observing and you can fall into a rivalrous mindset.
To some degree, comparing ourselves to others can be motivating. The problem is, jealousy can also suck the joy out of an activity. And, in my case, even cause us to quit completely. So, how can you tame this counter-productive mindset? Here are five ways to mitigate those destructive thoughts:
1. Turn jealousy into empathy. Instead of envying a stranger from a distance, why not strike up a conversation? Ask them, for example, about their fitness routine, how long they’ve been practicing, or what their tips are for advancing. It’s far harder to be envious when you know the effort it took someone to reach that level. And you might even make a new friend in the process.
2. Pick your role models wisely. My sister is a competitive cyclist and former champion Iron Woman. My mother, despite being incredibly fit for her age, is not a professional athlete. Yet she still compares herself to my sister whenever they go running together. Role models can be inspirational, but they also need to be relatable. That doesn’t mean you can’t train together—just don’t always try to finish ahead of them.
3. Celebrate your differences. I have a mantra that I repeat whenever I’m surfing with my husband. As I’m battling the whitewash and he’s making barrels look easy, I say to myself, “This is him and I am me.” It might sound simple, but it reminds me to be proud of both of our achievements for different reasons. As a city girl from London, I’m proud that I took up a hobby in my thirties. I’m also proud that, for my partner, a lifetime of practice has paid off.
4. Think about your face. The English author Thomas Browne once said, “Let age, not envy, draw wrinkles on your cheeks.” The truth is that envy is not a good look on anyone. I once caught a glimpse of myself in a gym mirror, glaring at a woman who could lift more weights than me and it was not flattering. Next time you envy someone, force yourself to smile at them. You mind even find yourself meaning it.
5. Don’t be your best. Trying to be perfect at something can quickly make it unenjoyable, so purposefully force yourself to underperform and see what happens. When I’m in a yoga class and the teacher instructs everyone to do a handstand, I sometimes don’t, even though I can, just to test out my ego. It’s a good reminder that the world keeps spinning, whether or not you’re on top of it.
