Those jaws, though. Photo: diver.net
Wolf Eel don’t care. Have a nice lil’ protective shell over your squishy parts? Big whoop. Wolf. Eel. Don’t. Care. With terrifyingly powerful jaws, it cracks right through crustaceans, sea urchins, mussels, clams — basically the majority of those sea creatures that boast some of the strongest evolutionary defense mechanisms that for the most part are quite effective. But again: Wolf Eel don’t care. And it’ll even turn its wrath towards a select handful of fish when it’s not feeling like unleashing its inner kraken and crunching down on a whatever poor bastard crosses its path. Seems the sea Honey Badger and the ol’ vampire reaper are competing for the title of “crankiest old-man-yelling-at-kids-to-get-off-his-lawn of the sea.”
Growing to be up to seven feet and 40 pounds, these bone-crushing sea creatures are largely found in the northern Pacific Ocean, on rocky reefs or stony bottom shelves from California all the way to Japan. And while they able to lay a quite literal SMACK down on the fortunate few that made the lurker’s shopping list, these weird looking “eels” are mainly curious and even friendly, like your childhood labrador (mine was named Tinkerbell, and she was a damn good dog I tell you). But very much unlike your pup, and much more similar to, say, a snobby cat, the Wolf Eel is rather reclusive and prefers hiding away from all the commotion. That being said, if you do cross paths and happen to piss them off, get out of the way ’cause those chompers are going to teach you a thing or two about underwater etiquette.
Now, the reason I put eel in quotes above is that the Wolf Eel isn’t actually a, well, eel. And as you’ve probably already concluded, they’re not exactly a wolf. In fact, they’re not remotely related to either. The Wolf Eel is instead one of five members in the wolffish family, but is even the odd fish out with its own kin, significantly longer and skinnier than its siblings. Though it may have trouble fitting in with cousins and second cousins, they are absolutely model parents when it comes to offspring, mating with a partner for life. More than we opposable thumb bearing land walkers have to say with our 50% divorce rate.
Anyhow, while the Wolf Eel is definitely not a fish you want to mess with, they’re pretty chill and mind their own. And to be candid, any opportunity to drudge this video up and include it in a post — after watching it about 11 times myself — is an opportunity worth seizing. Carpe Crazy Creature of the Week!
