Falling asleep to Joe Turpel’s velvety pipes equals max REM. Photo: Sloane/WSL(L) / Imgur(R)
On any given Sunday afternoon, it’s not uncommon to see dads across America lounging in their recliners in their living rooms, eyes shut and mouths agape, while the latest golf tournament plays on T.V. Something about the breaks in action, the soothing voices of commentators, and the calming sound of the trademark “golf clap” makes broadcasts of the sport so lulling, so relaxing. According to a new study out of the Kalamazoo Institute of Sleep Research, though, the “sport” that was previously voted by Retired Fathers Magazine as the best one to fall asleep watching six years in a row may have finally met its match: pro surfing.
According to a recent paper published in Sleep Science, late last year researchers from Kalamazoo conducted a sleep study with 100 participants (all fathers) in an effort to prove scientifically which sports broadcast actually maximizes REM sleep. Initially, the team was certain golf would win out, which made their results even more surprising.
“I think going into this study, our whole team had the preconception that golf broadcasts were so soothing,” said Professor Marilyn Bouvier, the scientist who led the research team. “But it turns out between the sound of the waves crashing, the long, drawn-out breaks in action, and the surfing drawl of the commentary team, professional surfing is really the sport to flip on if you’re a dad trying to catch a mid-day nap.”
Researchers found that compared to golf, baseball, and even curling, pro surfing broadcasts produced longer periods of REM sleep in a significantly larger swath of participants, the paper explains.
“We didn’t discriminate with the sports we included,” said Professor Bouvier. “I mean, we even tested cricket, rugby, and poker. Surfing was head and shoulders above the rest.”
In addition to pro surfing broadcasts simply resulting in the longest, deepest sleep among study subjects, the paper also includes a few quirky details participants reported. For one, some of the dads – all Americans – explained that when Ronnie Blakey or Barton Lynch were in the commentary booth, their dreams often took on Australian accents and included foreign slang like “rashie,” “wettie,” or “arvo.”
Researchers also found that participants often fell into deeper sleep cycles to the velvety sounds of Joe Turpel’s voice, while Strider Wasilewski’s in-water commentary often briefly disrupted REM cycles.
As to why, exactly, surfing is so perfect for napping dads, Professor Bouvier said future studies will aim to find out.
“We still don’t have a solid grasp on the why here besides conjecture, but we’ve already got a follow-up study fully funded, so the next step is drilling down and finding out,” she said.
Editor’s Note: Johnny Utah is an “Eff-Bee-Eye” agent and an expert in works of satire. More of his investigative work can be found here.
