“Alright, dude. I’m thinking we start at Doom ‘n Gloom, go over to Moose Nuts, drop down to Spanky’s Ladder, then we’ll head over to Big DooDoo — got some great jumps over there — shoot through Spin Dryer, right by Get Along, and then we’ll finish over at Powder Keg.”
Everybody knows a Map Memorizer. The guy who’s already meticulously planned your entire day on the hill for you. It’s no coincidence he’s also the guy who gifted you a wake-up call 90 minutes before your alarm clock went off…you know, so you could hit the road five hours before sunrise and eat breakfast in the parking lot hours before anything on the hill opens.
“Gotta get first chair,” he assures.
The Map Organizer joins Mr. Injury Prone, the Chairlift Heckler, the Jerry, Mr. Do It For the Gram and a slew of other stereotypes on the most comprehensive list of skiers and snowboarders ever. Every single one of us is one of these dudes. Or ladies. A few of the notable characters on the list include:
The Snow Sprayer
Skiing’s equivalent of “O’Doyle rules!”
Mr. Do It For the Gram
You’re only as good a person as your last number of likes. So what if you couldn’t actually stick the landing coming off that kicker with a gun pointed at your head?
Mr. Experience Liar
I’m not naming any names here. But seriously, you know who you are.
Mr. Injury Prone
It’s ok, I wanted to be off the hill 45 minutes into the day anyway.
Mr. Excuses
A close relative of the Experience Liar, the funny thing about Mr. Excuses is that Mr. Excuses is often easily confused with Mr. Injury Prone, the Lodge Dweller, or any other identity that keeps him from owning up to the fact that he sucks at skiing and nobody likes him.
The Lodge Dweller
A true Lodge Dweller is actually an incredibly rad person. Fully charged up and waiting for you with a beer. Après all day.
The Skier vs. Snowboarder
Is it 2001? Why is anybody still arguing about this?
You’ll probably tell yourself you’re a mix of two or three of the personalities in this video but if you do some serious soul searching you’ll find the truth. Own it.
For the record, I’m a Yard Sale–always a Yard Sale waiting to happen.
