Amazing, sure. But I’d rather watch pretty much any other surf contest not held in Brazil or a wavepool. Photo: WSL / Marenelmar
I really didn’t want to write about the paddle event at Pe’ahi this week, or the Big Wave World Tour, because my feelings towards them are pretty downbeat, and I tend to be positive about most things that don’t involve war, injustice, or Joe Turpel. But I’m afraid I just can’t avoid it. I’m having real trouble understanding it, and I wish someone could help me out. I feel awful about it, I really do. I saw all the headlines proclaiming the “Greatest Surf Comp of All Time,” and I can almost taste the fervor of the surf world around me, but I just can’t get into it. So please, someone tell me, what is the appeal of watching a webcast of a big wave event?
Don’t get me wrong, the guys are athletes, and what they are doing is a mark of human skill and endurance. But as a spectacle it is beyond flat. Still, I feel obliged to watch it, like the way you feel obliged to attend extended family birthday parties. You force a smile and rehearse small talk in your head, whilst everyone around you brims with enthusiasm, and you’re flicking through a mental checklist of Things You’d Rather Be Doing.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the WSL have taken such a cloak-and-dagger approach to broadcasting the Big Wave Tour thus far (or not, as the case may be). I think they realize that it just doesn’t make for very interesting viewing, and they’re racking their brains about how to dress it up. The Pe’ahi event was the grand unveiling of the cat from the bag – in case you couldn’t tell from the sensationalist coverage of the event – and parts of it were good, admittedly. Some of the stills from the event are pretty amazing, as were some of the wipeouts. But as an overall spectacle, in my eyes, it barely peeked above average. I’d rather watch pretty much any other surf contest not held in Brazil or a wavepool.
And I definitely think someone needs to work out how to fill the lulls with anything other than Joe Turpel talking…talking…talking…talking…talking…talking…talking…talking…talking… White noise would be more bearable. Honestly, he produces absolutely nothing of substance. He must have terribly dark thoughts on his own because he seems to have a mortal fear of silence. If he’s not making sweeping, and completely unfounded, statements (“This is the most challenging wave in the whole world”), he is telling us what a “character” each surfer is, based on some bland anecdote like: “he once paddled out for a heat wearing speedos” or some other delightfully wacky story which would barely get Grandma to crack a smile. The mince he churns out is hard to believe.
I do enjoy watching the take-offs in a big wave event. There is something appealing about watching a surfer paddling for dear life as they try to make it over the ledge. But once they’ve made it there’s rarely any interest in seeing them straight-line it towards the shoulder. To be honest I lose interest as soon as they make the drop. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to attempt any turns.
Maybe they should make it purely a take-off contest with gung-ho amateurs, rather than composed and experienced watermen. Sure it would be 10 times the danger, but it would be infinitely more watchable. If we’re honest most of us are only watching it for the chance of something going horribly, or better yet fatally, wrong anyway.
There was one shining light of the contest, however, and that was Albee Layer. Apparently riding the shortest board in the field (the commentators reminded us approximately once every 4 minutes); he was actually engaging his rail! He even threw up a double-finger salute for (in my opinion) one of the best barrels of the contest in his semi final heat. In classic fashion, the judges duly awarded him next to nothing as a score, and his gesture symbolized my disdain for big wave surfing as a competitive format as I flipped the screen closed.
It’s an unfortunate fact that powerful, terrifying waves are muted considerably when they appear on a screen. I can’t help feeling that it would even be a little better if we could actually hear something of the waves. Surfing and waves are just too visceral to be translated through a screen, even for an experienced surfer. I would undoubtedly enjoy watching these competitions live. Some sports work better beamed into your home, but I’m afraid that big wave surfing just isn’t one of them.
