Bloody technology, right?
“PARTY WAVE!” We’ve all heard and yelled it before. When you hear someone yelling “Party Wave,” it generally means that particular someone, or a lot of someones, are going to get dropped in on very soon. Maybe it’s occurring amongst friends, or the crowd is so ridiculous that the term is really just a euphemism for “Why is it so ******* crowded today!?!”
But the real party hasn’t started yet.
Various surf pools around the world have adapted the party wave mentality into a formal part of their business model. If anyone was ever in fear of wave pools creating armies of kooks training to overtake our precious waves, the day of reckoning is upon us. Party waves may signify the beginning of the end. The Party Wave Business Model is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to surfing.
No truer words were ever spoken concerning the importance of the quality of a wave, than when Sean Collins wrote about Malibu; “Like many other historic surf locations around the world, the seed that springs life and growth is the quality of the wave.” When it comes to surfing waves in the ocean or a pool, it’s not about how big the wave stands or how long the ride lasts. The real experience is about the quality of the wave. The real experience is about finding that fantastical fluid transformation that perceivably, or perhaps magically, transforms water into dazzling tubular tunnels we dream of. These are the quality waves that shaped culture, that created an industry, and that drove people to throw these parties called surf pools in the first place. Those waves are quality surfing waves.
And that’s what surf pools were supposed to deliver. Think about Pipeline on a perfect, slightly overhead day. Crystal clear water. Light offshore breeze. Glimpses of the light spectrum frolicking in the spray. That is the vision most of us had when we laid down at night to dream about the endless sets and the endless rides that surf pools seduced us with over and over again. Then we woke up to the vision of surfing in a crowded nightmare.
We’re not dreaming anymore.
Herds of bean counters, ridden by MBA’s from across middle America have gotten their paws on surfing waves. Now, instead of pursuing natural wave energy mimicry, they realized that one person surfing one wave at a time doesn’t work out too well for the bottom line. The dream now is to create a wave and invite everyone to saddle up. Pack as many people as possible into the inside white water section and call it economically viable. Yee-haw!
These party people will no doubt learn the ins and outs of paddling, duck diving, board control and the basics of catching waves and standing up. It’s all good and in the name of fun. It’s hard not to get onboard with that. But eventually, these hard-partiers will want to rage on some real waves. They’ll want to go down the line, maybe pull into a barrel, do some turns, and the list goes on. Eventually, they’ll outgrow the lackluster plow-waves. Without the surf pools supplying better and higher quality waves to keep their buzz going, the party people will look to the ocean to continue their binge. When the quality, or lack thereof, of the surfing pool waves no longer fills their cup, they’ll be refilling it with foamy sea water.
Invited or not, we have more people coming to the party.
Sooner or later we need to break up this party, or else surf pools will be doomed to mediocrity forever. There is no way surf pools that create (or recreate rather) high-quality surfing waves will be able to compete economically with the party wave business model. Regardless of the price or margin per wave, the ultimate goal of surfing pools was supposed to be mano-a-mano. One wave. One rider. If the age-old adage “you get what you pay for” applies to surfing waves (which it does), then a high-quality surfing wave should cost more to generate than a low-quality burger wave. You know the type of wave that requires endless board pumping, and that won’t let you do a full bottom turn through the flats? That type of wave is the real money maker thanks to the party wave business model. Sobering isn’t it? Now put on your MBA thinking cap and ask yourself which surf pool portfolio would you rather invest your trust fund dollars in; the surf pool that pays you one chip per wave or two dozen? It’s not a trick question. Eventually, stock options and 401Ks are going to be at stake.
When it comes to partying, we know one thing is for certain. Once the party of payoffs and profits gets into full swing, it will go into the wee hours of the morning. Us surfers, still romanticized by the illusion of chasing the perfect swell and blinded by the hope of catching the highest quality surfing waves of our dreams, will be regarded as mere fools who bought into one of life’s best Ponzi schemes. That is unless we get there too late and the party’s already started without us.
