Photo: Justin Jung
Given the popularity of the recent videos entitled Shit ____ s Say, Shelby Stanger wrote a script for Shit Surfer Girls Say. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.
IN CAR ON WAY TO SURF:
I love Jack Johnson.
You should get a mermaid tattooed on your ankle. I wish I was a mermaid.
How was your date?
Sigh… If only he didn’t live out of his VW van, he’d be the perfect guy.
How about yours?
OMG…He’s awesome.. Smart, funny, successful… but he cant’s surf! It’s over.
I read Surfer Magazine for the stories (said while drooling over a picture of Kelly Slater or Dane Reynolds), not reading anything.
LOOKING AT WAVES BEFORE SURFING
Will this sunscreen make me break out?
This sunscreen makes me look like a corpse.
Can you rub it in?
Can I share your towel?
Do you have leave-in conditioner/a hair tie/pink wax?
Sex Wax is so cliché…I only use Sticky Bumps.
That guy just dropped his towel.
That guy is watching you towel change.
I am watching that guy towel change.
I feel so sorry for that girl watching her boyfriend’s towel.
Did you just pee in your wetsuit?
I hate leashes. Leashes are like condoms…You never have one when you need one…and when it gets too big, they break!
Do you think my bathing suit will stay on?
Does my wetsuit make me look fat?
Did you get a pro deal on that?
Do you think I could be a Reef Model? (looking at my own wedgie)
IN THE WATER
Backside just feels awkward.
I love it backside.
Did that guy really just call me Blue Crush?
I wish GoPro had a skinny angle.
That guy is hot. You should cut him off .
A good wave is like a good man. Hard to find and when you do, someone’s probably riding it.
AFTER SURFING/CHANGING/LOOKING AT PHOTOS
I think my butt just ate my bikini.
Is my mascara running? Do I have raccoon eyes?
FROG BELLY!! (When Bikini lifts over the bottom of boob and exposes a white lump of skin)
We should go to yoga. It’s so good for surfing. It makes me, like, so Zen.
I think I’m gonna’ try SUPping. Or Sup Yoga. Nahhhhhhhh…
I wish I had a guy with a mullet on the bottom of my surfboard…Or David Hasselhoff.
That lifeguard was so hot. You should’ve gotten stuck in a rip.
In my head I feel like Carissa Moore when I surf.
OMG… I look like the Cardiff Kook when I surf!
Who stands like that?
