I like pretty girls. My girlfriend is very pretty. She’s also very nice and thinks I’m a much better person than I actually am, but initially, we met because we both found the other attractive. Most relationships start off that way. And hey, that’s ok. Procreation of the species, right? Whether you like it or not, most guys are the same as me. We like pretty girls. We’ll pull out our wallets to see them naked on stages and screens and pages. We’re creepy and awful and it’s all Mother Nature’s fault, because she made girls pretty so we would want to make babies with them and humans could carry on ruining the planet until it’s ruined. But thankfully, most of us are aware of the creepy factor and keep it to a minimum.
So when I heard that Playboy made a list of the 21 Hottest Surfer Babes on Instagram, I had to look, although I’m aware that objectifying women is an awful thing. I had to. It’s nature. You understand, right? I like surfing, and I like babes (not as much as I love my girlfriend, though. Don’t be mad, honeybutt.) Playboy, in all their masculine, pipe smoking, silk robe wearing, objectifying glory, combed through the catacombs of society’s most narcissistic creation (LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME YOU SAW ME, DAMN IT) and picked out 21 of their most favoritest Insta-babes. Some women will hate, hate, hate it. Some will not care in the slightest. Some men will hate, hate, hate it even more–although I suspect that many of them are only claiming to hate it to make girls who actually hate it like them (for such stupid creatures, we can be very sneaky)–and some will, with one hand, write super creepy comments on their wall, completely oblivious to the fact that telling a girl on Instagram that he would “wreck that, baby” is not exactly the best pick up line.
But there is something that I like about this obvious objectification of women (apart from the pretty girls in it). Included are a whole bunch of girls that aren’t exactly known for posting revealing photos online–Lakey Peterson is the most obvious on the list. She’s beautiful, but she doesn’t market herself that way. She’s not an Alana Blanchard (who also rips, despite everyone who says she doesn’t) or an Ellie-Jean Coffey (I don’t know if she rips or not, but I think it’s safe to assume she does) or an Anastasia Ashley (who most definitely rips and also surfs gigantic waves). Lakey’s an athlete, through and through. And although Playboy has most definitely featured athletes in their magazine before, they’ve always been naked. This time, though, I assume they’ve chosen strictly from Instagram photos, and a lot of these women have accounts that are chock-full of athletic pictures, not sandy butt shots and GoPro-ed boobs.
And you know what? Part of what makes surfing so attractive to the masses is the surfers themselves. Time in the ocean makes you fit and tanned and makes your hair look good. Attractive is nice in the same way that smart is nice and funny is nice: it’s attractive. Playboy’s addition of a totally-not-Playboy girls to a Playboy list is a refreshing bit of evidence that revealing doesn’t have to be the benchmark for sexy. So I’m applauding this list… even though there’s not one photo of any of these women surfing. But we’ve fixed that. Along with each Playboy-chosen shot of the women, we’ve picked one of them surfing. So, with the exception of Alejandra Guilmant (only because we couldn’t find any photos of her surfing), while Playboy does their thing (boobs), we’ll do our thing (surfing).
