But, whatever… let’s just close our eyes, jam ourselves neck deep in the sand and pray the whole affair doesn’t scare off any potential consumers.
One surfer says “fuck,” another references recreational xanax use, and the surf blogosphere loses its collective mind. How the hell did we get here?
I didn’t watch the Surfer Poll live. I didn’t have much interest. There’s enough going on in my life that I have better things to do than sit around for hours as the aquatic equivalent of the Teen Choice Awards slowly stutters down my shitty Hawaiian internet connection. But I’m, at least ostensibly, a member of the surf media, so when I heard that Noa Deane and Dion Agius had somehow dropped the verbal equivalent of twin nuclear bombs, I had little choice but to postpone my waterfall hike and painfully search through the six and a half hours of youtube video that had been so lovingly dumped on the web.
The rumors had me expecting a profanity laced tirade; maybe someone would get their dick out. And I was excited, because that would be entertaining, and mainstream surf media is so rarely that.
To say I was disappointed is a bit of an understatement. Instead of some shocking display of shortsighted brain addled lunacy, I watched Dion Agius acknowledge the empty-minded idiocy brought on by mixing alcohol and benzos and a twenty-year-old free surfer say the f-word. So what?
“But they’re role models!” people say. “Little kids look up to these guys. They have to lead by example! Who will think of the children?”
I think we forget that our sport is, by and large, comprised of flawed humans. If we start attacking and ostracizing every single person who’s done something stupid, we’re going to be left with a thin roster. Peter Mel’s out, he was a meth addict. And Tom Carroll too! Surfer Magazine’s bar was serving minors! Mr. Deane is only twenty! Better boycott the Source Interlink banner. Let’s keep all those …Lost boards out of the spotlight – that company was built on glamorizing under-aged drinking. Shame on you Biolos! Everyone reveled in Fanning’s Eugene persona while it lasted, now let’s boot that drunk from the tour. And Wilko… later buddy.
The irony here is that Noa was awarded the A.I Breakthrough Performance Award, an award honoring a man who should stand forth as an object lesson in the danger of whitewashing drug use and drinking. Why should we hide from the ugly side of surfing? So sponsors can make more money? So the WSL can reach a wider audience? Why does that matter at all?
Surfing is a sport where we don’t want our athletes to be human; where our commentators can’t question bad calls; where the media actually has the balls to openly support hiding reality in order to increase the bottom line. It’s a boring, milquetoast, monotonous marketing force dedicated to capturing disposable income without any regard for the culture and eccentricities that have long made it so appealing.
But, whatever… let’s just close our eyes, jam ourselves neck deep in the sand and pray the whole affair doesn’t scare off any potential consumers. I’ll just sit here and wish I could go back in time and focus on being a skater.
