We’re gonna need a bigger butt.
How many of you clicked on this because of the title? I lied to you. Her twerking did not cause a shark attack. But don’t leave just yet.
I looked at the analytics for this website a few days ago. It was depressing. Not because we’re doing badly (we’re actually doing better than I could ever hope for), but because apparently, the surfing world cares more about twerking and Alana’s butt than well… anything else.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her butt. It’s just that I don’t really care about it. But you should see the results! As soon as Alana Blanchard’s butt is featured, we’re having a great day (as far as traffic goes)! Alana’s butt or shark attacks. If (God forbid) Alana’s butt is ever the victim of a shark attack, our computers will explode.
There are a lot more interesting things than shark attacks or Alana’s butt or Anastasia Ashley’s twerking on this website. Just this week alone, there’s an interview with the man who wrote what is, quite possibly, the best piece of surf journalism – if there is such a thing – that’s ever been written. There’s an in-depth video with Carissa Moore about sex’s role in surfing, among other things. There’s a feature about Donovan Frankenreiter, who, whether you like him or not, has influenced the soundtrack to our sport and bridged the gap between the mainstream and our beloved pastime like no one else, save the Beach Boys or Jack Johnson. For God’s sake, Kelly Slater wrote about Andy Irons’ death (okay, that one did pretty dang well), and Gerry Lopez wrote about how it feels to get barreled. He knows a bit about the subject. There’s a lot of good stuff, is what I’m saying.
So here’s why I’m depressed: In order to bring you, our dearest readers, the really good shit, the shit that makes us lean back in our seats and exhale with admiration, it seems we have to publish the bad shit. Twerking and buttshots and that TMZ-type shit that we don’t care that much about, but the wide world of the interwebs do. And if we let the people decide, this is what they want. Interesting how democracy works. It is, however, a two-way street. By publishing that bad shit that the huddled masses click on, we get to bring the not-so-huddled masses the good stuff, the stuff we care about.
I just read something extraordinarily funny on The Onion that explains why CNN, a global leader in reporting and journalism, recently had Miley Cyrus’ VMA twerk-session as the lead story on their homepage the other day. It basically says that’s what journalism has turned into these days: a battle for clicks; stooping to what the masses want: mindless entertainment. What a culture!
So I guess I’d like to speak to everyone on here that reads this for the good shit, the shit that makes us lean back in our seats, the shit that should make our computers explode but never will. Don’t forsake us because of Alana’s butt or Anastasia’s pre-surf twerk session. It’s all part of the mystic balance of a publishing continuum. We’ll still bring you the good shit, I promise. And to the rest: thank you for the clicks.
