Hi. We’re Al and Ted. Today was the final day of our Billabong Pipe Masters coverage. We were down in the trenches, grinding against other sweaty journalists and photographers, pushing for quotes and asking the hard questions, recorders in hand with press passes on our fedoras. But then it got really hot, so we retired to the press tent to drink water. Turns out that we just got some photos of Juan the cockroach, the back of someone’s head, and an 11-year-old boy getting the photo of his life. Also, Ted realized he’s super famous and got a neck tattoo.
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Ted: Al is an animal lover and animals love him too. This is our resident cockroach, Juan, giving Al a cuddle on the night before the Pipeline’s final day.
Al: This is Ted being super famous. After realizing that there was a mass of photographers following his every move, Ted finally turned and graced their lenses with all his glory. Note the slightly dropped shoulder and subtly pushed out hip. He’s a red carpet veteran. Then someone yelled “down in front,” and Ted scurried away, mumbling to himself.
Ted: This is Al looking elated at not being quadriplegic. After getting pitched onto his face in Waimea shorebreak and kicking himself in the back of his own head, he called his new move “el escorpión.”
Al: This is Ted about to get buried in Waimea’s shorebreak. With yesterday’s rapidly rising swell, we decided it would be a good idea to get pile driven into the sand for a few hours. “Do you know how to body surf?” he asked me on our way down to the water’s edge, where 10-foot waves were detonating onto dry sand. “Yes,” I lied, urine quietly dribbling out of my shorts. The picture on the right is the result of Ted’s dry sand landing and subsequent compression into it.
Ted: This is Al getting a great shot of a puppy. Mick Fanning was being chaired up the beach somewhere deep within that wild pack of slavering photographers behind him.
Al: This is a photo of me missing another shot. When Sebastian Zeitz came out of the water, a throng of photographers, fans, and iPhone toting hangers-on rushed him. This person must have a great shot of Seabass. Whatever. I didn’t want it anyway.
Ted: This is Sebastian Zeitz. When you watch him surf Pipeline it is clear that he has made a deal with the devil (this is also true of John John Florence and Kelly Slater, who eventually beat Zeitz). This is supported by the fact that when he comes out of the water, young children chase after him dangerously close to the surging water’s edge, just like the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
Al: This is a photo of a budding surf photographer. He’s also going to have a great photo to share with his friends in the tree fort over summer break. No girls allowed.
Ted: This is me showing my dedication to my new career. With the competition over and my career prospects dwindling, I got a job in the marketing department of Firefox! My co-workers are 7, 4, and 11 years old, respectively.
Have a look at Day 1 for all the important stuff you missed
Or Day 2, if you think you can stomach it.
And of course, there’s always the lay day. Hope you like radioactive fish and rainbow hate.
Onsite coverage for the 2013 Billabong Pipe Masters is made possible by Surfbreakrentals.com. Don’t worry guys, we won’t mess up your house. Wink.
